Habit
by One Nutty Tree
Summary: Slightly AU in the fact that Ianto did actually shoot Lisa when asked to. This story is set in the aftermath of Countrycide, one of my favourite episodes and allows my favourite character a little time to vent. One-shot.


Ianto's eyes darted to Tosh. With a slight incline of his head she knew it was time. The town's leading cannibal stood in front of him. Ianto head butted the man and Tosh ran. Slightly dazed he wasn't fast enough to escape and the cannibal's wife grabbed him. Ianto struggled but her husband punched him hard in the chest. He collapsed. The last thing Ianto saw was the butt of the woman's rifle coming towards him and everything went black.

Next thing he knew he had a gag around his mouth, was staring at his terrified friends and had a carving knife held to his neck. It had been a long time since he had last been that scared. He thought there was no way out. Then in drove Jack. The Captain smashed down the doors with the SUV, shot all the threats in the room and saved the day. The others told Ianto later that Gwen had had to hold Jack back from killing the murderers afterwards, but Ianto had been out cold for that part of the time. Whilst Gwen had restrained Jack Tosh had freed Owen and came over to Ianto last. When he came to he told everyone he was fine, although he couldn't have felt worse. There was so much running through his mind. The fear still lingered and made him jjumpy whislt the pain throbbing in his head made everything blurry. Ianto tried to focus on what the others were saying as Jack drove them back to the base but he just felt sick.

He was relieved when they arrived at the base. The others left promptly for their homes without a second though. Ianto wasn't surprised. He'd spent the majority of his time at Torchwood silently suffering and nobody had noticed. Why should they now? And Lisa – god that name made him fell ten times worse – was gone. Ianto knew it was just him and Jack at the base now, but Jack slept in his office. He was easy enough to avoid. Ianto staggered over to a bench and sat down. He rubbed his throbbing temples and felt the depression descend on him.

"Ianto?" came Jack's inevitable call. "Can you work some of your coffee magic please?"

Ianto groaned internally. Why did the man want coffee at this time of night?

"Coming right up." he yelled back, trying to inject a little enthusiasm into the reply.

He slowly stood and made his way to the coffee machine. Time for one of his special blends. Jack was very particular about his coffee.

However Ianto found that making it was the easy part this evening, the part he had most difficulty with was carrying it to the Captain. This was mainly because it involved putting one foot in front of the other. He made it halfway to Jack's office before he fell over.

"Shit." he muttered as the mug smashed.

That would need cleaning up.

"Ianto?" called Jack. "You alright?"

Ianto cradled his sore head in his hands.

"No." he whispered.

Jack frowned at the silence and emerged from his office. There was Ianto, curled up on the floor and there was the remains of his coffee strewn across it.

"Ianto?" repeated Jack, rushing over to him. His hands covered his face. "Ianto look at me." No response. Jack carefully peeled his hands away from his face. "What's wrong?"

"Why does it hurt?" Ianto asked quietly.

"What?" said Jack in surprise.

"Why does it hurt so much?"

"Tell me what hurts."

"My head." Ianto replied, his face twisting in pain. His hands clutched his head once more as he reeled forwards. "All these things filling up my head."

Then he black out. Jack caught him before he hit the ground.

"Whoa, I've got you."

With a considerable amount of effort Jack managed to move Ianto onto the bench. He checked him over and then proceeded to clean up the mess on the floor. When Ianto awoke it was to the smell of freshly made coffee. He sat up wincing and picked up the mug by his side. He sipped it and smiled. This was rare, the boss making _him _coffee? That was when he realised Jack was also sitting next to him.

"Thanks."

"It's been a while since I saw a concussion that bad." Jack commented. "I'm surprised you didn't throw up."

Ianto put one hand on his forehead with a sigh.

"So am I."

They sat in companionable silence whilst Ianto finished his coffee.

"What's filling up your head?" Jack asked finally.

"Everything."

"Care to narrow that down a little?"

"I've lost count of the amount of times they hit me and I couldn't do anything; I was helpless. I was just sitting there in the dark, knowing they wanted to chop me up."

"What else?"

"Lisa." Jack didn't look happy at the mention of Ianto's girlfriend. This wasn't too surprising considering how she'd tried to kill them all. "I've tried to stop thinking about her but I can't. I – I just can't."

"She's gone."

"I know."

The silence lasted for longer this time but eventually Jack broke it.

"Tosh told me that when she had that pendant she heard many things she didn't want to hear. One of the few things she did tell was your thoughts that day." Ianto braced himself. He didn't want sympathy but he had a feeling he'd have to put up with it all the same. "You don't need to torture yourself. You did the right – "

"Don't say it."

"But – "

"The right thing would've been to let you shoot me."

Ianto wished he could forget Lisa. He wished he could forget how he was forced to pull the trigger on her, but it haunted him every day.

"That would've never been right."

For a while Jack said nothing.

"I should probably go home." Ianto sighed standing up.

Jack agreed but was reluctant to let him go, especially when he saw the man swaying.

"Are you sure you're ready?"

Ianto shrugged.

"As ready as I'll ever be Sir."

Jack winced at the suddenness of the formal word 'Sir' but said nothing knowing that Ianto probably wouldn't pay any attention otherwise.

"You can stay here. If you want."

"If I'm going to stay I should probably do something useful." smiled Ianto. "Still want that coffee Sir?"

"Okay but don't overdo it." said Jack, a worried tone added to his voice.

Ianto made it halfway to the coffee machine then changed direction. Jack headed back to his office whilst Ianto got himself an aspirin. Within minutes Ianto returned holding a steaming cup of coffee.

"Mm! Thanks."

"My pleasure Sir."

Ianto was halfway out of the door when Jack spoke again.

"Ianto if you ever need to talk – don't hold it in okay?"

"Sorry Sir, habit." he replied before returning to his desk upstairs.


End file.
